Bristol and "overheard on the tube"

Since it's all clear now, I can tell you about it: I'm going to Bristol for the upcoming weekend, to visit Luke :-) Finally I am going to visit this city and (what's the best about it, ever) have a decent british breakfast! :-D

And now, just a little something for you from tube gossip:
01. How many fucking wankers does it take to change a lightbulb? You. Just you.
02. Actually, it's not illegal if the vodka is in a Coke bottle.
03. We need a whore for the garden.
04. I'm gonna facebook your mum!
05. East Ham and West Ham are just two sides of a village called Ham.

Edit:
I nearly forgot to tell you about a quote from Friday night...
Chris wants Vreni to listen to something on her mobile (Vreni is a singer in a band)...
Vreni: No way, Chris! you know I'm a musician. I AM DEAF!